Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
