Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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