your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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