so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
