When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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