My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
