their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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