even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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