i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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