so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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