i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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