i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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