nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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