So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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