I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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