no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
