I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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