I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
