you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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