her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
