I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
