I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
