i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
