just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
