And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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