I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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