they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
