I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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