It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
