If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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