2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
