I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
