soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
