found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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