i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
