did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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