1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i think my cat just said my name.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
