you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
