Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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