if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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