i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
