I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
