Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
