So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
