I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
