dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
