I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
