It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
