I hate your face
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...