Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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