Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
