we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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