Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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