She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
