I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
