hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize