How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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