May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
