I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
