i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
