your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
