It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
