D3 body, D1 cock
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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