I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
