My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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