i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Enjoy the penises
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
