he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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