Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
