never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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