does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
