I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Naked Twister starts at high noon
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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