If i come over, it means nothing
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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